You all probably know by now that I wore an Ivory dress and red shoes to my wedding.

While I always believe there’s a place for tradition, I think there’s also room for you to stretch yourself in some places and do what you want as the Bride. Ultimately it’s you and your husband’s wedding and you all should do what makes you happiest.

That said, I encourage you all to make color choices that are just what you want, not what everyone this is right and proper. It’s one of those things that doesn’t cost you any extra dollars, but can really make a huge difference.

Maybe you want to wear a black dress.

Or a red dress.

Or maybe you’ve already been married, but you want to wear white.

Or maybe, you want your bridesmaids to wear white right along with you.

These may not be traditional choices, but if they’re what you want, by all means don’t hold back.

Do what makes you happiest. Everyone else will fall in line.

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• Shoe #3

Technorati Tags: black bridal gown, black wedding dress, red bridal gown, red wedding dress, Tradition, white bridesmaid dress

Ok – so this topic has come up a few times since we’ve announced our engagement… What will my new name be? Whoa – new name? Oh yeah.. I’ll be the same person but called by a new name.  Hmm.. How do I feel about that?

Now – as long as I can remember… I’ve met many, many women who have come to the point in their lives where they take their hubby’s name. But for some reason – as the time for me to make that switch comes closer and closer – I am starting to feel like re-introducing myself to society is a little 9th hour. I mean – I know “that’s how it’s done.” But why??

I’ve been me for almost 29 years.. almost 30 years by the time of the wedding.. and I’m VERY comfortable with who I am. I’ve learned my habits, changed a few and learned to love myself and be the best me I can be.. and now I’m supposed to change all of that?

On the flip side.. I’m becoming a wife to a WONDERFUL man.. a man I’ve known would be my husband for 17 years. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be “Mrs. DetroitBoy.” I imagine what it would be like to walk into a room and be called- “Mrs. DetroitBoy” – for the first time. I’d turn around and coyly reply – “Yes?” (::eyelash flutter::)

That’s just what women do.. they change their last name in America and become known as someone new… and re-invented.

But I’m the same old DetroitGyrl..  but with a hubby now..I’m the dancer, the artist, the chef, the daughter, the writer (oh yeah – and I’m published in my field – changing my name would most certainly confuse things). And I’m not sure I’m ready to just BE SOMEONE else.

The future hubby and I have had conversations about hyphenation and changing my last name to a middle name.. and even me just taking his name. I just can’t decide – so many pros and cons. And at the end of the day – I don’t mind being referred to as Mrs. DetroitBoy – I’m just not sure I want to legally CHANGE my identity..

Thoughts?

~DetroitGyrl

(ps – and no – I’m not trying to destroy the institute of marriage or emasculate my DetroitBoy by keeping my name.. I’m just trying to make the best decision for US, me, my career, my SANITY, etc.)

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Technorati Tags: Idea, Tradition

Once you get engaged – EVERYONE – and I mean EVERY one (friends, family, potential vendors, people on wedding boards, women on the street and even BABIES – ok – maybe not babies.. but every one else) wants to hear your love story and proposal story.

Some people write something nice and post it to their website, some send it out in an e-mail – I’ve even seen some couples have something displayed at the shower and/or wedding for guests to read.

I decided to write  a rough draft of our story and the infamous proposal and share it with all of you. Of course – the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The beginning..

My fiance and I grew up in the same community.. both literally and culturally. HIS parent’s house is a 7 minute drive from my parent’s house, my grandmother lives within walking distance of HIS parents and getting to his grandmother’s from my grandmother’s is only a 4 minute drive (that makes holiday season REALLY easy). Our parents are artists… dance and drum have been a mainstay in our lives since day one. I guess our story really began when I was 11 and HE was 13 – that’s probably as far back as I can retain a vivid memory of our friendship. HIS mom, being a fabulous hair braider, braided my mother’s hair for about two years. I would go with her and play with HIM and his brothers for hours and hours until our mothers were finished. That began a great friendship. My “bestests” will tell you that they’ve been hearing stories about HIM since we were little. It was around that time that I determined that HE would be my husband – but I had no idea what that meant at 11! I did know that there was something about HIM.. that I really liked and that I wanted HIM to be around forever. It’s funny how we think we know what we want (and want forever) when we’re children… but to my defense – I was RIGHT!

My fiance and I attended the same high school and college. We’ve watched each other mature over the years… We’ve had the benefit of seeing each other through challenging times,  other relationships and have shared many, many great laughs. Through out the years – we tried dating each other – but never really got serious. We figured it was just because we were better as friends. I realize now that it just wasn’t the right time.  A little over two years ago we began to talk to each other more and more. We lived in two different states, but that didn’t stop us from sharing our day to day lives over the phone and through e-mail. In December of 2007,  on my trip home for the Christmas holidays, we spent a lot of time together – getting reacquainted and actually DATING!!!

At the end of my trip home, I told HIM that he was my boyfriend… I later told HIM that I was only kidding and that HE could be my boyfriend if HE liked… HE agreed. We spent the next few months trying to decide how we could be closer and spend more time with each other. I eventually moved back home and our relationship flourished. The last two years have been nothing but a wonderful chance for me to get to know the man I’ve known I would marry since I was 11. We celebrated 2 years together on December 30th, 2009.

The proposal..

Right after Thanksgiving HE told me we were going to spend New Year’s Eve in New York. Little did I know that I would get to spend a whole week in New York.

The week started out with relaxation and hanging out with friends. We took a few trips to Harlem (got a chance to see the area HIS father and uncle grew up in), Brooklyn (saw friends, checked out a cool museum and hung out in cool club that reminded me of home), and Time’s square early on New Year’s eve (just to see how everything would look later for the ball drop).

For New Year’s eve we partied in the VIP section of Santos, a swanky club in Manhattan, with friends. Once we arrived back home for “bringing in the New Year” party part 2 – I went into the bathroom to change into something comfy. When I opened the door – HE was down on the floor in front of the doorway with the ring out. HE said so many great things about us being together, knowing each other for so long and spending the “rest of forever” together. We talked for about 30 minutes – highlighting all of the great things about our relationship.. and of course HE asked me to marry HIM..and of course I said – YES!!!

The next few days were spent enjoying the city. There was a 4 1/2 hour engagement shoot with my good friend who happens to be a professional photographer. We sipped Chai with a good friend in the West Village and enjoyed dinner and dancing with friends at the Stanton Social. We even managed to get some yummy soul food from Sylvia’s.

It was a great trip – one of the best I’ve ever taken!

Well – that’s our story.  What creative ways have you guys found to tell people about your special love and the special way you got engaged??

~DetroitGyrl

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Technorati Tags: Inspiration, Tradition

Tradition

As wedding traditions go, one of the most well known is, “Something old, something new. Something borrowed, something blue.” As of yesterday I’ve got one down and three to go.

Backstory

My great grandmother is the sweetest woman anyone has ever met. At 86 years old she’s is simply a joy to be around. I can truly say that she is one of my favorite people.

A few weeks ago, I ask my grandma if she would be kind enough to contribute my “something old”. I’m sure she said something like, “Old? Psshht – You can just take me!” – Yes, she still has a sense of humor too.

Well yesterday, when I went to visit her, without even saying anything, she lugged out a dresser drawer from her room. When I told her she should’ve let me get it, of course she didn’t want to hear it.

The Big Reveal

Anyway, the drawer was full of old handkerchiefs that she had been saving. There were some that were souvenirs from other states, some satin, and some that she had never even worn. But my favorites, were the ones that she had hand-crocheted and hand-tatted herself.

The Old Loot

I ended up taking about 10 handkerchiefs and a necklace, but I’m not sure which I’ll incorporate in the wedding or how. I’m just glad to have these as lasting memories of my grandmother even after the one day wedding. These were 3 of my favorite and the picture on the bottom right is of the lace my grandmother did by hand.

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Technorati Tags: family, handkerchief, lace, Old, Tradition

The Best Part About Planning a Wedding is Looking Forward to Your Marriage

I truly believe that many brides lose site of the end product/consequences of their wedding. I’ve seen one bride need counseling immediately following the wedding for this very thing. She lost site of how the wedding would change her life. The marriage that follows the one-day wedding is meant to last a lifetime.

The Wedding Budget and Keeping Costs Down

In planning this wedding, I’ve found that there’s a lot of hype surrounding the wedding industry. And have you seen what average wedding budgets look like? The statistics are off the charts crazy.

Don’t get me wrong. I like a flower and dress as much as the next person, but in many cases, the wedding industry preys on a person’s hyped up emotions. Decisions that you wouldn’t think twice about pre-engagement are discovered and exploited by the industry and budgets end up blown.

And there will be certain things you don’t want to budge on. I get that. I don’t want to budge on finding a venue in downtown Detroit. Choose your battles and keep in mind that every time you insist on not budging, it’s probably gonna end up hitting you in the pocket.

Wedding Tradition

Sure history and tradition will dictate some parts of your wedding, but history is made every day and traditions are created every day. It’s okay to be your own bride.

I don’t mean to come off as a Debbie Downer here, but I do mean to encourage everyone to think twice before insisting that your wedding has to be the biggest, most extravagant affair anyone has ever experienced.

Let me know if you agree, think I’m totally wrong, or if I’m somewhere in between. I’d like to hear what you think.

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Technorati Tags: Budget, economy, statistics, Tradition, Venue, Wedding, wedding industry

In African-American wedding tradition, it is customary for the bride and groom to jump over a broom after being married but  before they head back down the aisle together.

So, my plan all along was to get a broom on clearance after Halloween. My quest started this morning at Michaels. When I walked in I noticed that there were some Halloween leftovers in the entryway. “Great”, I thought, “I should be able to find a broom without a problem.

Fast forward 3 stores later, I finally have my broom. Complete with harvest blessings. I also picked up a spool of ribbon and some straight pins to secure the ribbon.

Note: Normally, I’m not the type to maniacally scamper from store to store trying to hunt down anything, let alone a broom, but I knew if I didn’t move quickly, all the clearance stuff would be shipped out before I even had a chance. Already today, in all the stores I went to, the Christmas stuff has already completely overtaken the seasonal merchandise areas. I’d just like to point out that today is only November 2nd.

Anyway, while it was thoughtful of the cheery little lady to impart harvest blessings, it wasn’t quite the look I was going for. So off she came.

I used the ribbon to wrap the handle pretty simply. I started at the back and without pinning or gluing just wrapped all the way up the thicker part of the of the handle. I did use one of the straight pins at the very top of the wrap, on the back to secure the ribbon.

I then came back around the handle with more ribbon, crossing it in the front as I went.

I finished by tying a bow on the front and using a straight pin to make sure it doesn’t budge.

There you have it! Even if we don’t yet have a venue, at least we have a broom to jump over.

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Technorati Tags: Bow, Broom, custom, DIY, ribbon, Tradition

Whoop Whoop! We are now, officially, engaged!

We’ve both known for a while that we would get married, probably next summer. But now we are official.

And I couldn’t be happier.

::ecstatic::
::blissful::
::blessed::
::overjoyed::

I’ve been casually thinking about ideas for the wedding and keeping mental notes, but now it all becomes real and tangible.

Now the real fun begins!

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Technorati Tags: Tradition

A tradition is commonly known as a passed down practice or idea. It’s just that – not a requirement. Too often, brides get so hung up in tradition they end up costing themselves much more than necessary.

Before the wedding even begins, you can cut costs by bucking the tradition of sending every guest a gajillion inserts with their invitation. Every inner envelope and blank piece of spacer paper  is costing you not only for the items themselves but also for the postage you’re paying based on the entire invitations weight. All that paper is probably tossed anyway. So save yourself some dollars and help save the environment at the same time.

Check out this post from A Practical Wedding that suggests doing away with favors. Believe me when I tell you that no one in attendance will love you any less if they don’t receive a favor upon leaving. And if they do take issue with it, maybe they shouldn’t have been invited in the first place. After reading her post, I really don’t think we’ll be doing favors now. If we do, they’d have to be something very sentimental and very low-cost. I really like the hand-written note idea, but that’s probably a lot easier for 100 than guests than 200+.

And who says who are required to get married in a church. Consider holding your ceremony and reception in the same location. That way you can combine the venue costs, often lowering the total amount and saving money on transportation from one place to the next.

Finally don’t get all worked up about your ancestors and older generations disapproving your break from tradition. Think of it more as you creating new traditions.

How are you breaking tradition and saving money?

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Technorati Tags: Ceremony, Cheap, Favor, Inexpensive, Reception, Tradition