Ok – so this topic has come up a few times since we’ve announced our engagement… What will my new name be? Whoa – new name? Oh yeah.. I’ll be the same person but called by a new name. Hmm.. How do I feel about that?
Now – as long as I can remember… I’ve met many, many women who have come to the point in their lives where they take their hubby’s name. But for some reason – as the time for me to make that switch comes closer and closer – I am starting to feel like re-introducing myself to society is a little 9th hour. I mean – I know “that’s how it’s done.” But why??
I’ve been me for almost 29 years.. almost 30 years by the time of the wedding.. and I’m VERY comfortable with who I am. I’ve learned my habits, changed a few and learned to love myself and be the best me I can be.. and now I’m supposed to change all of that?
On the flip side.. I’m becoming a wife to a WONDERFUL man.. a man I’ve known would be my husband for 17 years. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be “Mrs. DetroitBoy.” I imagine what it would be like to walk into a room and be called- “Mrs. DetroitBoy” – for the first time. I’d turn around and coyly reply – “Yes?” (::eyelash flutter::)
That’s just what women do.. they change their last name in America and become known as someone new… and re-invented.
But I’m the same old DetroitGyrl.. but with a hubby now..I’m the dancer, the artist, the chef, the daughter, the writer (oh yeah – and I’m published in my field – changing my name would most certainly confuse things). And I’m not sure I’m ready to just BE SOMEONE else.
The future hubby and I have had conversations about hyphenation and changing my last name to a middle name.. and even me just taking his name. I just can’t decide – so many pros and cons. And at the end of the day – I don’t mind being referred to as Mrs. DetroitBoy – I’m just not sure I want to legally CHANGE my identity..
Thoughts?
~DetroitGyrl
(ps – and no – I’m not trying to destroy the institute of marriage or emasculate my DetroitBoy by keeping my name.. I’m just trying to make the best decision for US, me, my career, my SANITY, etc.)
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5 Comments so far
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yep. i always maintained that i would not take on the last name of the person i married – and my partner was fine with that. then it occurred to us that we would be starting a new pack, and we wanted to be “the somethings” – not ms. some and mr. thing. but i was totally not willing to be the only one giving up my identity.
to get to the point: we are both going to change our names to both last names, the some things. no one loses identity, and we get to go through the pain in the ass of renaming ourselves together.
By Anonymous on 03.22.10 3:48 pm | Permalink
That’s a cool idea too.. We thought about doing something like that.. but of course.. The Mr. feels like he’s been himself forever too.. so.. DRAWING BOARD. Luckily we have a while to figure it out. Glad it worked out for you two – sounds like a great option.
By Anonymous on 03.22.10 4:09 pm | Permalink
I can’t imagine changing my name. It’s ME. This is who I am. I am also in the middle of a career climbing process, I’m writing stuff and giving speeches under this name, I can’t just change it. Why would I? He can change his, if it’s that important.
Since my parents never shared names, I don’t see the importance of it. They are still very happily married and we never felt less like a family. Having two difference first names doesn’t make us less of a married couple, why would two different last names?
By Bee on 03.24.10 8:39 am | Permalink
This is a difficult issue. I always thought that I would keep my last name if I ever got married. Well I ended up getting married to a man and changed my name. I don’t like the idea that society has forced us women to give up our last names. However, I do like having the same last name as my husband – it’s symbolic of the fact that we are one family.
By Anna on 04.15.10 11:11 pm | Permalink
I can’t imagine changing my name. It’s ME. This is who I am. I am also in the middle of a career climbing process, I’m writing stuff and giving speeches under this name, I can’t just change it. Why would I? He can change his, if it’s that important.
Since my parents never shared names, I don’t see the importance of it. They are still very happily married and we never felt less like a family. Having two difference first names doesn’t make us less of a married couple, why would two different last names?
By Bruce on 05.19.10 1:16 pm | Permalink
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